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The courage to give yourself permission

9 hours ago
6 min read

Why "small" things are actually everything


There's a moment in life when you realize you've been apologizing for exactly who you are.


For me, that moment came when I stopped feeling guilty about spending hours in the garden, sorting wood, cutting back over grown trees, wiping the build-up of cob-webs from a summer house window and harvesting calendula flowers instead of drumming up more business, when I chose to dry herbs by hand rather than buy skincare, when I decided that teaching my son what it takes to keep his Basketball whites white it all mattered more than efficiency.


I'm 50, post-menopausal, single-parenting a 12-year-old, and living with daily chronic pain. Yet somehow, this season has become my happiest. And the secret isn't complicated—it's about giving myself permission to do the things that feel insignificant but are actually fundamental to being who I am.


What does permission even mean?

We live in a world that tells us to move faster, buy more, optimize everything, and constantly compare ourselves to others. There's relentless pressure to earn more, simplify life, buy convenience. I used to make myself wrong for spending time on the things that matter most to me—especially when there were "more important" things to be doing.


Here's the truth I've learned; 'doing the things that bring a person meaning isn't wasteful time. It's called living a meaningful life.


How I practice permission at home


Being home and making a house a home isn't passive—it's active, intentional creation. Here's what that looks like in my life:


The garden as a teacher

Tomatoes grow to my right as I write this. The Equinox welcoming fire burns nearby. A recent morning walk included apple collection. Herbs dry in the summer house waiting to become tea or infusions. This isn't nostalgia—it's living.


Cooking with time, not against it

Right now my slow cooker is churning away on organic Beef Blade Steak. Brown lentils soak in filtered water. Whites are on a 60-degree wash cycle. My wonderful neighbour Susan dropped me two onions after my "onion SOS." None of this is quick. None of it is convenient. All of it feeds my soul.


Involving my son in 'real life'

Whitening basketball shorts properly. Mowing the lawn together. Collecting garden waste. Negotiating basketball sessions down from six to four sessions per week. These aren't chores—they're conversations, skills, memories.


Making instead of buying

Food, skincare, candles—from scratch. The innate design to create things, to go to places and do things, is not a luxury. It's who I am.


The Orsome October challenge  

Family in New Zealand and Australia are navigating health and life challenges. I can't be there in person, so I love finding ways to add value from afar.


I don't receive money for any of this stuff. It takes time, time I could spend building my business. Yet this is what makes the paid work more meaningful.


How I bring this into my work

Permission doesn't stop at the front door. It extends into how I serve my community.


The time I spend with my 90-year-old Ageless Companions dementia client isn't defined by her condition. Our three sessions a week times together light up my life in the most soulful and meaningful of ways. This week she asked me 'do you know Bronwyn'? It was such a special moment, I asked 'I have actually, I am her, but tell me about her', she proceeded to tell me about Bronwyn, 'she wears jeans, looks like me and that she's nice'. I was touched that I'd made it into her long term memory. She's a person who loves Vera Lynn's "White Cliffs of Dover" and deserves movement, connection, dignity. Being her companion costs nothing monetarily, but everything emotionally and energetically—and it matters infinitely more than billable hours.


Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love -Rumi

Last Friday was our Autumn Equinox session. When I looked around the room, I saw:

- Children aged 2–10, one dressed in a fairy dress busting moves to Chappell Roan

- A gentleman with advanced Parkinson's dancing through track after track with his wife

- A breast cancer survivor holding hands with her pal

- An 87-year-old friend of another attendee

- Mums of young ones being free and finishing their sentences whilst their little ones darted around between all the movement

- Members of the community invited along as a thank you for all they do within the community to and be on the receiving end for a change

- Volunteers tending to food and drink needs and making time for a shimmy and shake.


When I scouted around the following day for photos anyone had taken, the response that came was "I never even thought about my phone. I was too in the moment." That sentence broke my heart open. That's what I want for everyone. To let go of wanting to capture a moment for later, to help them to remember or to use it to tell someone about the time they had. And frankly, I was more than happy with the few kitchen pics I took.



I always carefully curate the playlist for any event I run and provided the requests come in in good time it's a treat to incorporate those into the session. And it's a guilty pleasure of mine to drop in a few songs from my own childhood, listening and dancing to the sounds my parents and grandparents would listen to - together with whoever I'm with connects me to home and something bigger than what is present there in the room or space.


Music helps us remember. Music connects us to forgotten moments. Something truly special unfolds when paired with free movement in a non-judgmental space.



The antidote is already inside of you

This way of living is the antidote to the fast, AI-fuelled, convenient, consumerist, comparing-myself-to-others, chemical-ridden, more-more-more world that exists out there.


Doing things that take time, energy, and intention gives my life meaning. Giving my son a good, meaningful life isn't about keeping up, taking him everywhere and doing everything —it's about showing him what matters to me, to attune to what he needs and leave space for him to make up his own mind about how he thinks and feels and purposefully equip him well enough to carry some of how we live into the way he lives his own life.


As he's getting older and clearly stepping more and more into his own independence it's quite amazing to witness how the ways we do life at home show up in how he conducts himself out in the world. He'd never admit to that mind you. My son calls me a 'herbal' and refuses to accept he's anything like me. Funny.


I've tried it all on. The hustle. The simplification. The buying-for-convenience. Now I've arrived somewhere that feels like me. And the more I lean into living this way, the more normal it seems to him.



Your invitation

If you're reading this and thinking about your own life about something you enjoy but somehow have convinced yourself it's not a good use of your time "There are more important things to be doing" or a good one "I'll do that when the kids are older or when I retire" I'm here to tell you: maybe it is.


Maybe the thing you're making yourself wrong for, or the thing you're holding off on—the gardening, the slow cooking, the crafting, the helping, the being present—is actually the thing that keeps you anchored when everything else spins out of control.


Firing up the slow cooker. Drying herbs. Feeling better about what's happening in the wider world by doing something small and tangible. This gives me space to make sense of my part in this magical, mad life.



Something worth leaving home for

Would you like to join us as part of the Movement that Matters?


We're running Movement that Matters sessions throughout the year:


  • Friday 15th January | Friday 12th March Friday | 18th June

  • 1:30–3:30 PM

  • Burntisland Parish Church Halls


All ages, all abilities, all welcome. Spaces are limited to keep things intimate and special.


📧 bronwyntutty@gmail.com

📞 07 397 147 638


But what I'd love to know more than anything is what "insignificant" thing are you giving yourself permission to do this season? I'd love to hear. 💜


A gentle invitation for you, the reader


If you're still here I'd LOVE to hear a few words on how this post has landed with you minus the professional editing :) Constructive feedback is always welcome. I've also 0 interest in continuing as my own editor.


In case you forgot to remind yourself today, you matter and what you're dealing with matters. X


Thank you for being here, and here's to honouring you and giving yourself permission to do the things you know you want to do.


With love,

Bron 💜

To stay in touch in a space where everyone is welcome, sign up to my newsletter at www.bronwyntutty.com, I share an occasional newsletter, irregular 'Tutty's Top 3 Takeaways' & blog posts and exciting news about programs and events.


If it’s something in-person that you're after, I am a Trauma Informed Transformational Coach and I'm hooked on coaching! If this interests you, why not book in for a free online 45 minute 1-2-1 discovery call.


 
 
 

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