Look away
- bronwyntutty
- Aug 3
- 8 min read
OMG I can hardly breathe. I'm just so excited for this time and space to write! Seriously! It's been a good 6 months since I've had this kind of space and urge to write in this way. Interestingly, knowing that these days were approaching all the ideas, blog titles and shares came flooding. So grateful to be here with you, and I pray with all my heart that you have moments in your days/weeks/months to be flooded with the things you love x
Purpose of post : To communicate a recent experience and the need to 'look away' . My son and I had reached a point when a day/days were building to some sort of explosive climax of potential rage. How making the choice to take action to deliberately 'look away' (also known as a pattern interrupt/Do something different) shifted the course my son and I found ourselves on.
Poppit and I attended a funeral this week (Jul 2025), for someone elderly, special and altogether wonderful. I asked a random on Burntisland Beach to take this photo for us to capture us in our best wears. Poppit said to me in the morning before heading out 'mum you look like a normal person'! Gold! Speak for yourself pal!!!!
Anyhoo the point of this post is the importance of 'looking away' and how it was a total game changer this week when cracks were starting to show between Poppit and I.
We'd returned home from a week of camping in England at the annual Home Educating Families Festival (HEFF). We indulged in late nights, deviating from our 'well balanced diet' in favour of snacks, white bread, pasta, ice-creams, crisps, and Burger King (the boy!). We socialed up our systems. We had a truly brilliant time, slowing down and hanging out with some absolute diamonds. My pal Laura and I delivered 3 silent discos for between 30-70 at a time and 2 Celebration Circles and a sound bath for 50 peeps each time. It was so much fun, book-ended with exhaustion and logistics - calling for some mega chill times back at base (home).
We returned home in time to attend a funeral for someone special and for Poppit to spend 2 days at a Basketball skills workshop with Fife Steel. However as we eased into our return home Poppit reported not feeling great, and so unfolded 2 (or 3) days of being in PJ's and chilling the F out. Part of properly chilling out for Poppit is spending time 'gaming', in his soft cosy PJ's, and eating his favourite snacks. He's currently hooked on a few different games accessible via Roblox. My work is to allow him the time and space to do what he loves and leave him in peace to do 'his thing his way' (only of course after a very clear conversation about timers, expectations, duration, posture and that it is his responsibility to manage his time). We have a recipe that works and provided we're both crystal clear on how the gaming/screen allocation is going to be used in the day everyone's happy. Maybe one day I'll share a resource I created for my SHINE program which helps us to both get what we need from a day together with ensuring that as the responsible adult in the house that I do the work of opening up the world to my son and directing his focus on life outside of gaming.
Funny; in his 'life outside of gaming' this week Poppit uncovered my childhood set of Knuckle Bones which I'd brought back from NZ earlier this year. I gave a demo of how to play. Poppit was dazzled by how good I was and said 'mum you're a 'bum sweat' (term on the street for being really good at something), followed by 'this must have been your screen time when you were a kid' 🤣 It was such a great moment, that kid says things to make me laugh all the time these days. I used to play for hours and hours. I never got bored as a kid, there was always so much I could do. I won't lie, it bothers me how much screens and gaming is drawing the little minds of the world in and how it can be a real effort to direct attention elsewhere without feeling like a total nag. It's an area I'm extremely passionate about, and in true Bronwyn fashion I'm going about it with an attitude of 'I'm going to commit some of my life to directing kids to the joys away from a screen'.
Bill Gates and Steve Jobs, names synonymous with the technological revolution, made an unexpected choice when it came to their own children’s interaction with the products they helped create. Despite championing the digital age, both Gates and Jobs chose to restrict their kids’ access to technology. See article here.
The moment where looking away made the difference
My sons focus for those days whilst chilling in his PJ's was gaming and screen time. If you've never spent any time with me know this - it's a major trigger for me, I read books on how addictive screens and games are, how the developers, gadget creators and IT business owners don't let their kids use them, I'm fascinated by neuroscience and psychology and how technology is the modern days biggest addictive challenge. I'm all fired up about it. AND I stand loud and proud and can hand on heart say that I do respect my sons need to do his gaming thing and I make it a priority to respect his love of it (and ensure healthy boundaries are in place). Hell's bells, I even agreed to buying him a Switch to take to NZ and a TV on our return (so he can game in the living room). I'm not a total monster who prevents my kid from doing what he loves.
And besides, this is a great growth opportunity right! Towards the end of last year I made the conscious choice to use all 'triggers' and challenges to turn these around, take the sting out and prioritize systems, conversations and taking time to connect with my son and figuring out ways together to not keep banging on about the same old stuff.
Anyhoo earlier this week, we got to the 'end' of another window of gaming time and Poppit immediately started at me about when his next sesh would be (like a hooked addict). I'd had enough, I said firmly and probably really moodily 'don't flipping talk to me about that now, it's all you can think about and it frustrates me that you are so focused on it'. AND I get how much he loves it AND when you've just done something you love you just want to do it again AND I'm his parent and I get to show up better, powerfully and constructively for this little being. And dare I say, teach him how to manage and regulate himself after a session....Tools for life you could say.
I've got my own stuff going on, my body hurts and my energy is low (this is being investigated) and the daily grind and single parenting can feel exhausting, throw in communications which can feel tired and monotonous on top of a trigger point and we're headed for disaster.
In this moment I could feel the energy building and Poppits insistence/hyper focus matching my angst. We were headed fast track for destination 'we're both about to BLOW'. I had enough insight in me to see what was happening and the trajectory ahead so said 'lets sort you some lunch and get outside'. Pattern interrupt is key. I've learned that these are the moments when showing up as a parent matters most.
Do something different
We both headed to the kitchen and rustled up some morsels to fill the boys bell and take on the road. I added the nutritious stuff, Poppit dug around for the exact opposite. It's worth mentioning that this is another thing I've done deliberately for years now, get the nutrition in and make sure there is something he likes in there aswell. This approach has eliminated most of our food disputes. Whilst whipping up a mobile lunch we talked about where to go. We decided on the park in Aberdour, we grabbed the Badminton Racquets, filled our water bottles, and got the hell out of the house pronto!
Everything felt different
Despite my thinking that Poppit would climb structures in the park he opted for the Badminton. I'm incredibly limited in my movements just now so it was a right laugh! We played for a good 45 minutes and had the time of our lives. It made all the difference getting outside, doing something active, being in the fresh air, (whacking the shuttlecock forcing Poppit to have to run ;)) and getting absorbed in what we were doing. The wind keep sending the Shuttlecock off course which provided more entertainment. But best of all I knew what was happening, our nervous systems were being regulated and we were feeling better. We had such a great time.
When it was time to return home I set a challenge and get Poppit to meet me a mile or 2 away. Leaning on my reduced physicality I assured him it would take me ages to get there and set him a course to run. He LOVED it (and I got to pat my back knowing he was moving in ways to shift the tech time in his body).
We got home, did some jobs in the garden before sending Poppit away for two nights with my pal Amelia.
Knowing I'd somewhat facilitated running Poppit like a dog before plonking him with Amelia felt great. Like a reset of sorts - for both of us. Knowing that I was sending my kid away with a regulated system felt great, I knew that should anything else crop up in either of our days that we would have greater capacity to handle it.
Shifting energy and creating space before transitioning onto the 'next thing' has become a HUGE priority in our lives, its made the biggest difference.
If this post has stirred something in you I'd really love to hear about it, maybe you have a point for me to ponder or maybe I've shared a point that you're now pondering - regardless I'd love to hear.
Thank you for your time today and regardless of your age, stage or the dynamics you have in your life; I see you and I'm so grateful our paths have crossed.
xxxx Bron
P.S. It just occurred to me that I damn well need to share with you what I did to meet my chill time needs! I napped, tidied the house, put camping gear away, did gardening, baked & repeat! Just incase you were interested ;)
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