I injured my shoulder almost 2 weeks back at my Kuk Sool Martial Arts class. I'll be straight up with you. I'm focussing this year on being disciplined, and attending this class was part of that. I'm in a bit of a dilemma. I'm able to 'be with' the process of recovery AND a bit pissed off that I can't go AND not being there is bringing all of the following up in me:
You're losing any hope of discipline
You're going to be even more behind
Maybe I shouldn't do a Martial Art, this injury is affecting everything - even my livelihood of delivering movement classes
If I quit, what about the uniform I just bought? That will be a total waste
This is affecting my mental health
You won't be 'ready' for the upcoming grading
and on and on and on
What I haven't really fessed up to before now is that the injury kind of happened before the start of that class that night. I was tired. I wasn't listening to my body and I just 'pushed' myself because I had all the 'behind the scenes' sorted. My son even said to me on repeat 'mum don't go tonight', and delighted in reminding me the following day that he did say I shouldn't have gone. Monkey. So yeah, my resources were low and it makes sense to me now that there was a higher likelihood that i'd injure myself. This is a brilliant lesson in listening to my body and more importantly, in doing the things I need to do to make sure that i'm doing what I need to be doing outside of the Martial Arts class to look after myself. The fundamental stuff. Sleep. Rest. Eating well. Play. Meditation.
In the space of last week and morning of boohooing and reigning myself in, i've taken some constructive action to 'allow' myself to feel what I was feeling, to say it out loud, to really listen and to change the situation.
This morning after sharing from my heart with a loved one about ways I was feeling I sent the following message to my Kuk Sool teacher:
Hey! I'm pissed that my shoulder is still not right....such a big exercise in surrender, acceptance and patience. I've been boohooing to myself and quietly wishing it would just get back to normal, and it's response is 'i'll get there in my own time'. Flipping eck. I feel like I need to accept that it's going to be a while longer yet so for my sanity's' sake i'm going to give myself another full month (starting back week 18th March). Thx 🙏
I can't begin to tell you how liberating and containing it feels to give myself this gift of time. It feels like a massive weight has been lifted. I don't know if its the neurospicy part of my brain, my striving tendencies, fear of being 'behind' or something else that has been pushing me so much. And it's not really that important. What's important is that i've 'paid attention, taken action, and invested (in listening to me)'. And here's the thing, because of the shoulder injury i'm having to do 'extra' things and do things 'differently', and guess what - THAT TAKES FLIPPING DISCIPLINE! And i'm still doing all the other stuff that supports me with discipline. I just wasn't allowing myself to see that. I was making it all about the Martial Arts.
This morning I also made a really really big decision to have a very important conversation with someone (I tend to do big things in 3's, dear lord what is no. 3 going to be 😵💫🥴🤔, maybe i'll surprise myself and that'll be enough). Anyhoo it's a conversation that has needing to be had for over a decade. To describe it as 'challenging' would be the understatement of my life. It's a BIGGIE.
AND guess what. It's going to be beautiful.
I get to have a really important conversation and speak from a place of love, truth, tenderness and vulnerability. Underneath all the stuff that gets messy, is tied to the past, to shame, guilt, rage, expectations. I get to speak from that space where love lies AND trust that i'll maybe even connect with a similar space in the other whilst having 0 attachments to their expectations or experience. Completely trusting that the conversation needs to be had and we each more than deserve the truth. I'll do my damndest to deliver my words and truth with total love and compassion, mindful of the other persons tender heartspace.
GETTING HONEST ABOUT WHERE I'M STILL NOT BEING HONEST
Perhaps this is inspired by a coaching call I had with a client yesterday. Actually I think it flipping is. I love that. Conversations with clients are so powerful and oftentimes hold up a mirror for something that is ready to be illuminated in my own life.
I'm here writing this blog post. Written entirely from a place of e-motion 'energy in motion'. I've been feeling like 'I don't have much inspiring chat to share' and my vibe has felt different and that's felt all manners of uncomfortable. I'm here to share this today because it's real and it feels powerful as feck to me, and just maybe if you're reading this you'll get something positive from it too?
Also in the coaching call yesterday I started by sharing with my client that 'as a healer/space holder/therapist the importance of allowing an energy of how you're really feeling to show up in the session. Its honest, its real and authentic. Obviously being 'mindfully professional' is a high priority AND trusting that there is space for both, truth and professionalism.
At my Thrive session earlier this week, I showed up in my 'feels and moves' differently body. I used that as a beautiful teacher for how being just as I am is a gift and I get to use this to model to my class how to move in different ways and start a new conversation with one's body. A conversation a little like this; 'this feels different AND I get to experience and notice something new'.
I've spent the past two weeks exploring a new relationship with my body, with pain, perceived limitations and getting curious about what beauty also exists which I wasn't really paying attention to. So so so grateful for the gifts of Nia, Transformational coaching tools learned from my pal Dr Sarah Madigan and for being a curious, truth telling someone who sees opportunities in challenges.
If something i've shared here inspires you to want to have a conversation get in touch, i'd love to support you in what could be the most important conversation of your One Sweet Life.
Thanks for your time, love and attention.
Bron x
Sending love from my heart to yours. Be you a mum, a daughter, a dad or a son - I think you're awesome and I thank you for being here and soaking up this share.
x Bron
If you'd like an honest conversation someday or to discuss more about coaching contact me here.