I passed my Life in the UK Test recently. I know, it's awesome, right?!
I arrived in the UK in January 2014, three months pregnant, together with my unborn child’s dad, on a two-month holiday before heading back to NZ to start a family life.

8.5yrs ago my son’s father and I separated, and now it’s over a decade since I first set foot in the UK. All this time, I had convinced myself the rules would change, and once I was entitled to apply for settlement in the UK, that it would just be a case of a simple form, a few hundred pounds and a smile to the counter clerk - I couldn’t have been more wrong!
I realised that I would have to sit the Life in the UK test and spend thousands of pounds - to my dread.
This felt like a really big deal for me, because I struggled so much in school. I put all my energy and effort into building relationships rather than into studying, as relationships felt easy, and I was good at them. If I had been graded on intuition, creativity and emotional intelligence, I would have topped the class, I'm sure!
I’ve had therapy over the years and what’s become clear is that this mode of being is a survival thing, I put energy into nurturing the relationships around me in order to feel safe. My ‘threat’ system was on constant arousal, so I put my all into ensuring all interactions were good and that I wasn’t doing anything to upset anyone.
My childhood wasn’t ‘textbook traumatic’ BUT there were needs I had that were not met by the adults around me. In the home, in education, in the greater family unit and by other adults in my life. I grew up faster than a child should and poured energy into being ‘streetwise’. This post isn’t about my needs growing up. The only point I want to make here is that if things had been different as a child I'm sure my experience of classroom learning and how I grasp and retain information would be very different today.
A huge challenge of my needs not being met as a child and as a young adolescent means I never really gave much attention to my education and the information that was being fed to me in school. And no one really seemed to notice that I wasn’t really engaging with the lessons. Actually - that’s not entirely true. The practical, hands-on classes like Home Economics (sewing and cooking), Typing, and Drama (to an extent, I was very self conscious - true story) I did alright in, but the rest - embarrassing!
There was a particularly challenging situation happening in my life around the time of my first set of exams in the fifth form (when I was aged 15). I’m holding my younger self (back then and those parts of me today) with so much love and compassion. If I'd known what I know now, or if the adults around me knew what I know now - things would have been so different.
I haven’t always got it right, AND I proudly hold my head up high knowing I now put my ALL into facilitating positive learning environments for my son along with for myself (as I write this I'm 48 years young).
Preparing for the test
The preparation for the Life in the UK test, the actual test itself and my reflections since have helped me to make sense of the past 40 or so years in a way no course or class ever could have taught me.

I’ve felt ‘sorry’ for myself and deeply frustrated over the years, believing that I was somehow stupid or incapable of learning. That I'd never be able to hold proper conversations out in the world because ‘I don’t know anything’. My freeze response whenever I was asked a question in a classroom situation would take over my whole being. And I recall lining up for exams at High School: the cortisol running through me was something else, I prayed no one could see the terror in me, then sitting at a desk to do an exam was the stuff of actual nightmares. I’d stare at those pages, the words and the blank spaces awaiting hand-written text - wondering what the test marker would go home and tell their family about my semi-completed exam papers. This internal dialogue has changed so much over the past ten years, but it was ingrained and to an extent reinforced by the people (being called scatterbrain growing up) and systems around me (tests and exams that pigeonhole a brain).
In the lead up to the ‘Life in the UK Test’ I got myself equipped with the things I would need to help me. I got the ‘Life in the UK book’ (which I barely opened…but it felt organised to order it), I bought an online app and randomly worked my way through it. I prayed that something was going in AND ‘allowed’ information to ‘go in’. I made notes in a notebook using every colour from a Dulux colour chart. Bookmarked wrong answers in the app and willed myself to remember those facts (we’re talking something like 1000+ test questions). In the week leading up to the test, I spent huge amounts of time with my son listening to the pre-recorded lessons on the app, then answering multiple choice questions. We would answer those together, cosy on the couch; it was actually a lot of fun.
I got great advice from a drama teacher/Nia student that I needed to focus on learning kinaesthetically, to take the information into my being through movement, acting, word association, playing with my son, using children's books, using YouTube videos. Something had changed, I was able to listen to her advice and really hear it, whereas the former me that would have seen her lips moving whilst simultaneously filling my head with internal chatter that ‘there was no point listening because I wouldn’t remember anything’.
This felt different. I was different. The information was delivered in a ‘new to me’ way. Her advice was sooooo helpful, it gave me a ‘playful’ approach to the job (thank you Ann) and suddenly I felt excited to go home and learn! My pal Helen visited with my son and me a couple of nights the week before the test and we all sat together running through test questions. What became clear is that learning together with my son made ALL THE DIFFERENCE!!! I was so motivated for him to learn and to feel engaged and for us to have a ‘good time’ together in the process - and that was the secret sauce!!!
You must learn in a way that suits YOU - no one else

Two days before the test I found a section in the app which revealed an A-Z list of test questions, 26 sets each of 24 questions!!!. They were a totally different set of questions to what I'd been practicing with!!! That threw me and in came those internal stories of ‘well you clearly haven’t been paying attention and you’ll never have enough time to work through all of them’. AND through all the ‘self work tools and skills i’ve acquired, I promptly met these internal stories with a new self chat of ‘yes AND I know how to take care of myself AND I will do my best AND that will be enough’. I was also lucky enough to spend an afternoon with magic maker Margot, who supported me through two of the test exams by creating a pantomime out of the questions and answers. I haven’t laughed so hard in a study setting EVER!
The moral of the story here is that you need to do what you must to learn in a way that fits and lands. For the rest of my days I'll remember that:

Napolean was defeated in ‘The Battle of Waterloo’ by Lord Wellington who did a poo (to mark his triumph)..compliments of my son, aged 10!
George Stephenson (Stephenson Steam train) and Isambard Kingdom Brunel (Brunel Bridges) were famous engineers in the 1800’s (as part of magical Margot theatrics)
William of Orange from Netherlands
Invited to England by protestants
King James II kicked oot
James’ daughter Mary wed William
All in the ‘bloodfree’ 1688 Glorious Revolution
A wee poem of my own!
Lots of seemingly ‘disparate’ info right!
The best part is I gave myself ALL the permission I needed to study the way I needed to. I got vulnerable and explained to my study partners the historical anxiety I was carrying surrounding learning something new, and my goodness that was so cathartic!
Test day touch-down
On the day of the test I was up at 6am, I started with a run to the beach where I inhaled winds of support into my soul, I ran the whole way telling myself how I was supported by a ‘higher power’ with the test and in life. I returned home, jumped in the cold plunge then did 20mins in the sauna meditating before chowing down on a ‘gut reset and brain friendly’ breakfast and packed my bag with all the things a girl like me could need for a full day in Edinburgh. I’m talking revision notes, highlighters, headphones, gut approved lunch and snacks and then the after-party supplies for an event I was going to to celebrate whatever outcome awaited me.
I got to the test centre 30 minutes early (most unlike me!) and was ushered into the waiting area and informed I would need to remove anything that wasn’t basic clothing. After a full blown search and scan, (the type you might expect on a prison visit) I was escorted into the examination room. All the while, I kept telling myself "I am supported by a higher power and at this stage my most important job is to remain calm and to trust myself”’. I entered that room with oodles of self-compassion and lightness. I asked for earplugs and delighted in being directed to an area on the side of the room away from other people and associated distractions. This was me taking care of myself. It felt great!!!!
There was rock-solid certainty in me throughout most of the test. A few questions I wavered on but I was 99% confident I had it ‘in the bag’.
Once I was set free from the test centre the first thing I did was look up the information I wasn’t sure of…ahead of my results ;) Once I overcame my avoidance of checking and finding the perfect spot to check my results I opened my email to find that I’d passed. The email confirming this was a bit of an anti-climax, to be honest. After ten years of dreading this test there were no singing, dancing, emoji-laden words from the Home Office celebrating my efforts. Arrrgggghhhh, government systems…. Course correct Bronwyn, you passed, this is no time to get annoyed at Government systems and their complete lack of emotional intelligence.

It took me an age to integrate the fact I'd passed. In fact, I'm still catching up with the reality. When you spend that long dreading something, it takes more than a moment, minutes, days and probably weeks and months for the reality to land. But I did pass. I immediately forwarded the email to my lawyer for him to progress my ‘Settlement status’ visa application - YEE HAR!!!
So here’s some nuggets of my own I'd like to leave you with:
If you feel deep in your soul that you have a valuable nugget to share with someone regarding something they are going through ‘share it’. It’s their business if they take it on or not. It could make ALL the difference. If I'd not listened to my pal Tess who after seeing me almost ‘broken’ insisted I ask for support after the dreaded Citizens Advice meeting I might still be willing the situation to right itself.
If you find yourself going around in circles with your approach to learning or a challenge you’re having in your life ‘ASK FOR HELP’ and trust that many will benefit from it. Again I'll focus on the Citizens Advice Bureau crikey where I attempted to decipher my Visa situation. I shared a vulnerable post on FB saying the Visa situation was almost breaking me and asking for help. Helen offered, sat with me on Tuesdays at 10am for an hour whilst I progressed my application (and she got on with her own stuff). If I never asked for help I doubt I would be sitting here today sharing that I had passed.
Fill your beautiful mind with all the beautiful reasons to support yourself into believing that what you desire is absolutely possible.
Organise some accountability dates with a friend or an acquaintance to keep you accountable to something you are wanting to work on or progress.
Hire a coach, someone to hold you accountable to your sweet self. If you’d like to explore how I may be able to support you to show up more fully, lovingly and powerfully for yourself, get in touch.

Believing that I'm not alone in life and through life’s challenges makes all the difference.
I’d love you to comment on what your beliefs are in relation to feeling supported by anything I've shared here.
If you’d like to share a conversation in the form of a coaching exploration call you can contact me here.
As always, thanks for stopping by. Have a glorious day, week, life x
Bron xx
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